10 Things We Learned From “All the Right Moves” Episode 5

"I'm making a little, like, brunch. I was gonna season the chicken with some banana chips...but I thought not...because you're allergic to them." —Nick Lazzarini, Voice of Reason, "All the Right Moves"

This episode is all about "theater shopping," and I realize that sounds more like a QVC special than an hour of fun and dancing with four pretty boys. But don't worry: This was actually a very productive episode! It wasn't the funniest—there were no scenes with Nick learning how to ride a bike—and there were no cool backpacks. By the time the episode wrapped, though, the guys had a theater for their show, they held a successful fundraiser, they got a surprise visit from studly Dom and, I think, they finally finally finally wrapped up the "we got drunk and kissed the wrong people" love triangle drama.

It was the fifth episode of the series—only three left!—and Travis, Nick, Teddy and Kyle taught us many important-ish lessons about dance and life.

1. Kyle and Chantel Aguirre should be in love. Think of all the talented, beautiful, dark-haired, perfect-skinned babies they could have! These two performed a duet to Gotye's "Somebody That I Used to Know" and it was fantastic, and it was fantastic because the dancing was good, not just because Kyle was shirtless.

2. Kyle is always shirtless. I'm not complaining, I'm just a little curious. Was this in his contract? "Kyle, you must be half-nude for at least 50 percent of every episode. Please sign at the dotted line." I mean, why is everyone hanging out in the kitchen and Kyle is a little bit naked at the breakfast bar?

But in other news, Kyle is exploring additional, non-dance career options, and his head shots would make great wallpaper in my bedroom. He reads a script for this casting director lady, and she doesn't seem to think he's very talented, but what she doesn't realize is how pretty Kyle is. No one cares whether or not he can act or sing or dance or emote. Look at him! Just let him live his handsome life. But Kyle is frustrated because he's not booking anything and he's waiting for his break, and I get how discouraging that must be. Pretty people struggle sometimes, too.

3. Noelle does not get to get angry. When she says Kyle and Chantel's duet was "so good" she may as well have said "My mouth is filled with vomit right now and I'm going to cut Chantel while she's sleeping tonight." Noelle, it seems you've boarded the train to Jealous Town, which is crap because you had Kyle! He was all in like with you and stuff, but then you got tequila-ed and you kissed Teddy. You don't get to be jealous now! Sorry.

4. "The kiss" is, without a doubt, the most insanely blown-out-of-proportion, dragged out storyline on any docuseries ever. In this episode, Nick finds out about "The Kiss." He is not enthused, and it's affecting the company! "I would have hit your face repeatedly...Come on, homewrecker," Nick says. He's so mad at Teddy when he finds out about it! How dare he kiss Kyle's girl!

Later, Teddy and Noelle talk it out, and Noelle is like, "Teddy, it's cool, I've forgotten about the kiss because I've been channeling my energy into making my long hair look flowy and flawless, and also have you noticed I'm wearing pinky-purple lipstick now and it looks really awesome on me? I'm so hot." Teddy, meanwhile, likes to talk about feelings, so they do that, and then things are all patched up. No more scandalous homewrecking. Just dancing.

Yay. This storyline is over.

5. Just because your haircut is very specific does not mean you can't make it look different all the time. Taja's got the side-shaved, mohawked-on-top, braid-down-the-back hairstyle, and you may think you can only wear that one way. But false! Taja proves this is quite the versatile 'do. This week, her ever-growing mound of locks was a bit more tousled and messier than usual, which I like. It was edgy yet casual.

Oh also, Taja showed up at the company's rehearsal (I thought she quit, no?) and had a long talk with Travis. She compared Travis to her dad, and Trav wasn't into that. Something about wanting her dad's attention, and arguments, and getting defensive. But then there was an apology! She apologized to Travis for letting things escalate, and he apologizes back and wait for it...wait for it...they exchange I love yous and they hug! Peace has been restored in the world of Taja and Travis!

6. Theater shopping is boring. Sorry, guys. You're pretty to look at, but there's nothing exciting about looking for a place to perform. But it is an overwhelming process, which means Travis's stress level is at an all-time high. No bananas for you, Trav!

7. Zippers are the new sequined backpack. No, J/K. Nothing could ever replace that magical notebook-toting beauty. But did you see that shirt Nick was wearing during Dom's party? It had two vertical, not-really-functional zippers. Maybe zippers are the new tank top? I don't know. I'll ask the people at Fashion Week.

8. Travis and his boyfriend are so cute. Like really, really adorable. When Dom shows up and surprises Travis, it's the sweetest display of puppy love ever and it makes me happy. They're a precious couple. Also, it's Dom's birthday! Which means party at The Manor! Zipper shirts for everyone!

9. Jaimie wants to be in the Shaping Sound show! It's been four-ish months since her surgery, and she wants in, but Travis says no. He doesn't want to sacrifice her potential and he says she's not ready to dance. This actually blew my mind. I really thought Travis would give in because he and Jaimie are so close, and honestly just because Jaimie is an amazing dancer. But wow. Jaimie cries and it breaks my heart. This was one of the sweetest moments on the show. Good for you, Travis, for looking out for your friend, and Jaimie, your time will come (we know because you were an All-Star on "So You Think You Can Dance" like two weeks ago).

10. Nick is Mr. Business Savvy. The guys start brainstorming ways to make money, which involves "dance moms dropping some dollars in some hats." Genius! They're going to use their fan base—competition and convention kids—and they're going to do a fundraiser. They'll do a performance, they'll have a class, they'll charge $15 per dancer and they'll auction off things like solo choreography and backstage passes to their show. Just off the top of my head I can think of about 600 kids who would absolutely be into this. Good idea, guys! Also I like your fedoras.

When they're negotiating the "going rates" and "starting bids" for the items (a private lesson from Kyle Robinson!!!), Nick is the one who keeps jacking up the price. And did you see those fan girls in the audience during this performance? Yeah, their moms will be fine with dropping fedora dollars just to see their kids so happy. (Um, bidding $1,400 for solo choreography from Nick Lazzarini? Holy crap. You comp kids have some seriously generous parents!) Finally, I really liked the performance the four guys did together. It was fun and it was, well, bro-dancing at its best.

Next week: Teddy is going to be late! Teddy needs to prioritize! Adam Shankman is there! Dom is there! And the company debuts its show, "Come Together." Oh also we see Travis laying flat on the ground, seemingly unable to breathe. I swear to the Dance Gods, if that kid ate another banana I'm going to hire a group of gorillas to teach him a lesson. (No really, hope you're OK, Travis. And we can't wait to see the show.)

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