Over the last couple of months, I've gotten really (like really) into astrology, by way of memes on Instagram. If you're a millennial or Gen-Zer locked in an eternal scroll like I am (except it's my job, so I have an excuse!), then you're no stranger to these types of posts. One popular format? A list assigning zodiac signs with their corresponding "things," from foods to colors and everything in between. And since y'all love our memes (we're making more, we swear), I decided to spend my Friday afternoon figuring out each sign's classical ballet equivalent. I recruited fellow DS editor Helen Rolfe, and we proceeded to conduct a VERY scientific and THOROUGHLY researched study. If you don't like yours, I truly am sorry, but the stars don't lie. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Behold, the signs as classical ballets!
HR: Energy? Check. Turbulence? Check. A little, uh, aggressiveness? Our girl the Firebird has classic Aries traits in spades. And we love her for it! I mean, it's probably no coincidence that the Firebird was an early signature role for Misty Copeland—who, in case you've been living under a rock, is the FIRST African American female principal dancer in American Ballet Theater. (I know Misty's a Virgo, don't @ me.) Aries Firebirds are literally blazing trails wherever y'all go, and we stan.
Taurus: The Nutcracker
OM: I'm a Taurus, so this one was immediately obvious to me. We love tradition. We love nostalgia. We love cups of hot chocolate, cozy snow days, luxurious bathrobes, and warm, fuzzy sweaters. Watching (not performing in—that's a different story) The Nutcracker literally makes me feel like all of the aforementioned things are swirling around in my heart. It's a classic, it's trustworthy, it's oozing with tradition. There's really no way to articulate it, but fellow Tauruses, I *know* you know what I mean.
Gemini: Swan Lake
OM: Is it rude if I say self-explanatory? My roommate, who I love dearly, is a Gemini. But y'all have this amazing, albeit slightly terrifying, ability to flip sides/out/whatever, at the drop of a hat—kinda like Odile. However, that's just me perpetuating the stereotypical Gemini traits. Geminis are also known to be gentle, affectionate, adaptable, inspiring, and insanely artistic, just like Odette. It's a best of both worlds situation.
Cancer: La Sylphide
OM: My rising sign (VERY IMPORTANT, LOOK UP YOUR BIRTH CHARTS PEOPLE) is Cancer, and I'd say I identify more strongly with it maybe 75% of the week. Cancers love nature (Forests! Sylphs, in a weird way, but roll with it!), being in our feelings, staying in our feelings after everyone around us has asked us to snap out of our feelings—you get the picture. I mean, everything I just said is essentially a synopsis for La Sylphide. Pretty scientific, I know.
HR: The ballet may be named after Dr. Coppélius' doll-daughter (ew, creepy, and we're not going to go into it), but you, I, and everyone else in that quaint Galician village knows that this is The Swanilda Show—and that's exactly how Swanilda likes it. I always compare this ballet to a rom-com, and that's in large part because Swanilda makes a *~perfect~* rom-com heroine: She's a natural leader who loves attention and hates to be ignored. Franz, you'd better be taking notes.
Virgo: The Sleeping Beauty
HR: As a proud Virgo, I couldn't be more thrilled to be allied with the greatest fairy-tale ballet of all time. *pageant wave* Any card-carrying prima knows that Aurora's choreography, especially the infamous Rose Adagio, requires methodical focus and attention to detail like WHOA—traits that we Virgos have on lock. Unfortunately, our perfectionism and unwillingness to stray from the (perfectly organized!) plan can sometimes lead us to close our hearts to the outside world: Hello, sleeping for a full 100 years!
HR: Cinderella prevails over her god-awful home life because she possesses a quiet strength that allows her to keep on sweeping (and sweeping), even when it seems all her dreams have been dashed. That totally reminded us of the gracious, cooperative, and diplomatic Libra. Unfortunately, Cindy's indecisiveness and desire to avoid conflict at all costs almost cost her the prince—but she gets plenty of casually sparkling choreography along the way to nabbing that crown-and-castle combo.
Scorpio: Romeo and Juliet
HR: Some say R&J is about love. I humbly beg to differ: This is a story about impulsive passion and overwrought emotion. But it's not all bad news, Scorpios! Y'all are also famously brave, resourceful, and decisive (all qualities which help lead our young lovebirds inexorably towards their doom, but let's not dwell on that for now). The distrust, secretiveness, and violence that defines this Shakespearean ballet also leads to epic, iconic dance moments like the ensemble dance at the Capulets' masked ball and, of course, thrilling swordfights.
Sagittarius: Don Quixote
OM: Ah, Sagittariuses. Y'all are curious, energetic, and always down for an adventure. Sort of like our main man, Don Q. He's also a dude who has a lot of dreams. Like, the majority of the ballet's plot revolves around him dreaming about Dulcinea, dreaming about being a knight, and who knows what else. According to my *internet research*, Sags have an innate power to "transform their thoughts into concrete actions and do anything to achieve their goals." Sounds like Don Q. to me. Thanks for coming to my TED talk.
Capricorn: La Bayadére
OM: Capricorns love to plan. They love their family. They love to manage things and be responsible. They are also often "too stubborn to move from one perspective or point in a relationship. They have a hard time accepting differences of other people that are too far from their character, and out of fear might try to impose their traditional values aggressively." If you just swap out "They" with any of the characters in La Bayadére, it's basically the entire plot of the ballet. Hear me out: We've got a love triangle, family dynamics, a huge wedding, murder plots, and a fatal snake bite in the name of family. If that's not as Capricorn as it comes, I'm not sure what is. It also sort of just sounds like the premise for "The Real Housewives of La Bayadére."
OM: This was another one where I was like, "duh," because my best friend in the world is an Aquarius. Despite all their good qualities, this air sign can get a tad out of control. According to basically every source on the internet, Aquariuses are, at their worst, "detached, self-destructive, out-of-touch, irrational, and even a tad desperate." So, sort of like Giselle. Also, "their cute and quirky demeanor is irresistible." So, Giselle again.