"DWTS" Week 1 Recap: Ohhhhh, We Wanna Dance with Somebody

Here is a universally acknowledged, if not always trumpeted, truth: The stars of "Dancing with the Stars" are pretty bad dancers. Are they fun to watch? Of course they are. Can they really, credibly pull off an Argentine tango—even the best of them, even after spending several weeks inside the "DWTS" machine? Not really.

But this time might be different, you guys. Because as last night's premiere proved, there are some legitimately talented dancers in the Season 24 field—including a few major surprises. (Rashad Jennings? Who knew?)

The evening began with the kind of aggressively sparkly, delightfully ridiculous number we didn't realize we'd been missing in the days since the last Mirror Ball Trophy was handed out. But oh, yes—we HAVE missed this:

Inevitably, the competitive performances that followed included some duds (points for effort, Chris Kattan). But the contestants who ended up at the top of the leaderboard pulled off some pretty impressive stuff. Particularly the so-talented-it-just-ain't-fair Simone Biles, who's hoping to join her Olympic teammate Laurie Hernandez in the Mirror Ball Trophy club. Based on her remarkably precise tango with Sasha Farber, she just might do that.

We'd never heard of running back Rashad Jennings before his "DWTS" turn, but we definitely know his name now: Dude can MOVE. His super-smooth cha cha with Emma Slater was solid gold—and the surprise hit of the night.

And let's talk for a minute about Heather Morris, who ended up tied for third but is, now and forever, first in our hearts. We think the judges were a tad harsh on her Viennese waltz with Maks Chmerkovskiy, which was admittedly not our favorite "DWTS" performance of all time but was still solidly executed. Is she being graded on a curve because she has prior dance experience? Probably. But this girl does not lack personality, and if it didn't come out in last night's sweetly demure routine, it sure as heck will once she gets to tackle a Latin style.

What did y'all think? Tune in next week to watch Chris Kattan go home find out whose "DWTS" journey will be ending first—and then check back here for our recap of the danciest highlights.

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