Before we get into our discussion of the steaminess and drama and borderline-inappropriate skin-baring that inevitably characterizes "Dancing with the Stars" Latin Night, some real talk: IS MARK BALLAS OK?
Our favorite goofball pro injured his back during rehearsals last week, badly enough that he had to sit out of last night's performance. And when the guy who's so committed to "DWTS" that he will enthusiastically don an aggressive bunny suit for the cause is forced to hang up his dancing shoes, you know something really ain't right. Get well soon, Mark!
But back to the dancing that did happen: The show opened with a spicy little salsa routine for the pros, set to "Shake That" by Samantha Jade. What a delightful reminder that there are few things as fun as really, really, ridiculously good-looking, really, really, ridiculously talented dancers doing really, really, ridiculously over-the-top Latin choreo:
While many of the star competitors struggled with the overt sexiness of the Latin styles (even a video call with queen Gloria Estefan herself couldn't get Kim Fields in the salsa spirit), others had less trouble getting their shimmy on. Jodie Sweetin (literally) brought the fire in her samba with the fabulously flash-tatted Keo Motsepe:
Sad as she was to lose Mark as her partner, Paige VanZant appeared to have a genuinely good time salsa-ing with stand-in Alan Bersten:
To the surprise of few (but sadness of Trump wig fans everywhere), Geraldo Rivera was sent packing at the end of the evening. Which means "DWTS" will be sorely lacking in the Edyta's Amazing Legs department from here on out.
What did you think, friends? Should sourpuss Mischa Barton have gotten the boot instead—or do we all, like Carrie Ann, JUST WANT TO LOVE HER? Let us know in the comments. And check back next week for our recap of the "Most Memorable Year" episode, which will ideally feature both "Full House" and "The O.C." cast reunions. (We can dream.)